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Cake Fiend


 Title: Cake-Fiend
Author: The Philosopher Fool
Rating: PG-13 (For drug use and excessive discussions about cake.)
Summary: Sirius questions James' marriage motivates. MWPP Post-Hogwarts
Wordcount: ~500


      “This is about the cake, isn’t it?” Sirius asked calmly. “You know James; wedding cake is a bloody stupid reason to get married.”

                “This wedding isn’t about cake, you bloody idiot.”

                “You’ve always held an affinity for cake, James.” Peter pointed out rationally as he licked the joint closed. “You want the first hit, Sirius?”

                “It’s about love, a forever kind of love…and it’s about convincing Lily’s parent’s I am not some horrible pimp forcing their daughter to live in a crack-den of sin.”        

                “Come to think of it, this place is sort of like a crack-den,” Remus noted, taking in the dilapidated disaster of James’ apartment, the thickening cloud of illegal substances and the whine of sirens in the street, several stories below.

                Sirius would not be distracted. “Do you really need fourteen tiers of white chocolate to prove a point, James? Will you really go through with this for white frosting and those little sugar roses?” 

                Peter began coughing violently and passed the joint to Sirius, “We all saw you at Frank and Alice’s wedding, James, that was cake-envy.”

                James shook his head, “We were all Frank’s guests! I was being polite and enjoying the wedding cake.”

                “You enjoyed over eight slices…” Remus muttered. “Alice had to cut you off!”

                “What was that, Moony?”

                “Nothing.” Remus replied quickly.

                “And when he brought home all that crappy cake from Lily’s sister’s wedding, remember Peter? That shit all tasted like cardboard but he ate it all! Hoarded it in the fridge and had it for breakfast with his eggs for the rest of the week.” Sirius agreed. “Cake-envy.”

                “I do not have cake-envy! My wedding is not about cake!”

                “Isn’t there a part when you get to taste wedding cakes? Frank told me about that part. Remember? Alice and that bloody wedding planner dragged him to some bakery and they made him try bits of cake for hours.” Peter was still coughing. “Get me some water, Remus?”

                “And what’s next, then? You going to want a baby next? Don’t babies also come with parties and cakes and all that nonsense?” Sirius inhaled the smoke much more gracefully then Peter. “You’re a cake fiend, James Potter. You have a cake-problem.”

                “Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery,” Peter offered.

                “That’s it!” James would only take so much harassment. “Sirius, you have officially just had your title of best man revoked. Peter, you are out of the wedding party for provoking Sirius…and since Remus has remained quiet on this whole matter he will resume both of your roles. Remus Lupin is now acting-Best Man and my entire wedding party.  And he will be the only one invited to the bachelor party and he will be my personal guest and assistant at the tasting of massive amounts of wine and thousands of tiny bits of wedding cake.”

                Sirius looked outraged. Peter looked high.

                All eyes turned to Remus who had been sitting quietly in the corner minding his own business. He was holding his breath and a collection of smoke in his lung. The room remained silent waiting for Remus’ reply. With a cough and a grand exhale of smoke, Remus declared with a shrug, “I don’t think I can work with a cake-fiend.”

                Sirius gave a hoot of laughter as he wrapped his arms around Remus, “He’s always been the intelligent one.”

A/N: As always, looking for constructive feedback and new friends. 
No beta. Spelling, grammar and stylistic suggestions are appreciated. 



I love this, wholeheartedly and unashamedly. It's just so ... them :]]
My favorite line though has to be "Sirius looked ouraged. Peter looked high."

This is so perfect.
You deserve cake for writing this <3
lol, thank you!
heh, cute! :D
That was adorable. My only complaint is that now I want cake. I want cake now.

Siriusly, though, this is JUST like the sort-of conversations one has whilst smoking... cake.
Cool! The Marauders, a joint, and cake-envy.

James would be a cake fiend, and the others respond in all the right ways.

::offers a slice of wedding cake with a pink sugar rose on top::
Lovely. It's very much how you'd expect the four to act.
This made me completely totally and irrationally happy.

Thank you.
This has a really in character feel to it, and now I want some cake.
ahaha! very cute. cake and pot, a perfect combo.